[TEST] DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT

[reapsthewind]

I HONESTLY COULDN'T THINK OF A GOOD PICTURE SO THANKS LAVVY

Here, have the slightly more relevant song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_nLlL1mwKI

Anyway, this is a random scenario test drive meem, since we've had an influx of new potential appers. I am a bit too lazy to make this a proper meem, so you make your own shit up. Here's some inspirational scenarios:

> The Mall. The hell are you doing out in the suburbs, bro? And why is that woman trying so hard to sell you nail polish?
> The Park. MAN IT IS A NICE D-- shit is that a Vermicelli or whatever the monsters are called?
> Arts & Crafts Fair. Cute knit cat cozies! Bad pretzels! YEAH.
> Rainy Day. It's wet and you're stuck at the bus stop. HOW DEGRADING.
> You get an echo while someone else is around. SHIT. PARANOIA TIME.

Or make up your own!

Comments

[drama8om8]

[ Samara OCTAVIA doesn't seem to have registered that for a few seconds. Mainly because she is using all her superb self-control to avoid resorting to BITING YOUR FACE OFF YOU PIECE OF EVERLOVING SHITFUCK.

Who am I kidding she has no self-control

She's just digging her nails into her palms

She might be drawing blood a little ]

I know, right? The only way I can possibly imagine being any worse off right now would be if like. I was dumb and oily and gross and completely unwanted get the fuck out of MY bus shelter.

[ She goes for an imperious hair-toss and

splatters wet hair in her own face

oops ]

[hawaiianheir]

[Okay that gets a laugh out of him because you're being so selfish and attempting to be suave and wow look at that that didn't work out did it.

Nevertheless, he does the only smart and sensible thing.




That being putting his wet feet up on the bench and giving a big smile.]

Good thing I'm not dumb, oily, or gross. And good thing your name isn't on this bus stop. Otherwise I'd be in quite a predicament, huh?

[drama8om8]

[ HAH SHE HAS YOU NOW FUCKWAD

Just

Just let her spit out that mouthful of hair first ok ]

BLUH--!

[ There. All better. She pulls one of her stupid autographed photos out of her purse and tapes it to the shelter.

Why does she have tape in her bag? BECAUSE SHUT UP IS WHY. It is now time for the smuggiest smug who ever smugged. ]

There. My bus stop now has my name on it! So you can stop grossing up my space whenever you like.

[ poking those feet. Insistently. ]

...And by that I mean do it now.

[hawaiianheir]

[Sorry, Octie, he can't hear you because he's pulling your autographed photo off the shelter walls very carefully, so as not to ~damage it~]

You know, I don't think that counts, that seems more like a walking advertisement to me.

[He gives the photo a very thoughtful inspection.]

...Well, at least your pouty expression is all-natural.

[drama8om8]

[ WOW NO gonna try and snatch that photo back. And probably fail because gosh Octavia is tiny and miniature and wee. PAPPING AND SNATCHING AND FLAILING, GO!! ]

My everything is natural, you greasy stooge! GIMME THAT!

[ The longer this goes on, the screechier she'll get, bro

ARE YOU PREPARED???????? ]

[hawaiianheir]

[Whoops holding it above his head because he's a big giant jerk.]

[TOTALLY PREPARED FOR SCREECHING]

I dunno, looks like you were dying for an excuse to give it away. Maybe i'll keep it?

[SHIT EATING GRIN GO, like he knows how to do anything else.]

[drama8om8]

[ ANNND GUESS WHO HAS LOST ALL DIGNITY AND IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN TRYING TO SNATCH IT

THIS ASSHOLE ]

That is mine and you have to give it back or I will sue you for all of your dollars! ALL OF THEM! And then you will live in the fucking gutter and I will drive past you in my movie star limo and I will laugh and --

[ Have a final shriek of rage! And a punch aimed at your stomach oops ]

[hawaiianheir]

Hahah, I don't think you know how the law works, little la-

[That incredibly condescending statement is interrupted by the fact that HE JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE GUT. He doubles over on reflex, picture flying out of his hands.]

You little twerp! You sucker-punched me!

[drama8om8]

[ Tables have turned, motherfucker. Octavia's still too pissed off to be all superior and smug BUT SHE'S GETTING THERE.

Also picking up that picture. SWEET VICTORY. It is delicious. ]

How increeeeeeeedibly appropriate! Sucker-punching a sucker. Why don't you cry about it, loser?

[ Ok maybe she can be a little smug. Totally doing that little L-sign with her finger and thumb against her forehead, jsyk~ ]

[hawaiianheir]

[Okay that gets a growl out of him. ANGRY TIME.]

From a punch like that, I'd rather laugh!

[IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING NOW because now he's trying to wrestle the photo from you again. CLEARLY PROGRESS.]

[drama8om8]

Aaahahahaha, you mad, losAAGHGHGHGHRGRHRHR!!

[ NO. NO YOU ARE NOT HAVING THE PHOTOGRAPH. NO. She is stuffing that shit in her pocket and then curling up into a defensive ball of defiance and bad hair. ]

MINE.

[ She is aware that this is basically The Most Ridiculous Thing but goddammit she is going to win this no matter what

FIGHT THE POWER

OR RANDOM GUYS AT BUS STOPS I GUESS ]

[hawaiianheir]

[Okay now this is just getting ridiculous.]

No, MINE!

[He crouches down and grabs you curled up into ball form, lifting you up.]

C'mon, give it!

[SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE]

[Yes he is shaking you in hopes the picture will fall out of your pockets or something]

[The rain has probably stopped let's be real here]

[drama8om8]

No, MI-I-I-I-I-I-INE!

[ AAAAAAAA BEING SHAKEN IS HORRIBLE and only making her hair worse, wow. She is more hair than person at this point. Frizz is a terrible thing okay you don't understand

Grabbing for ANYTHING IN REACH to try and stop the shaking holy fuck

PROBABLY GOING TO LATCH ONTO YOUR HEAD IF YOU GIVE HER CHANCE, DUDE. I'm so sorry what is this even ]

[hawaiianheir]

[OPERATION: LATCH ONTO HEAD IS A SUCCESS AND NOW HE IS TRYING TO THROW YOU OFF HIS HEAD BUT OH GOD HAIR EVERYWHERE WHAT IS HAPPENING]

OH MY GOD GET OFF! KIAPOLO LAUOHO! KIAPOLO LAUOHO!

[There's a lot more screaming in hawaiian as he stumbles back and forth through the shelter trying to pull you off his head. WHAT IS LIFE.]

[drama8om8]

[ Little did you know that octavia isn't a vriska reincarnation

SHE'S A HEADCRAB

SKREEEEEEEEEEEEE ]

NEVEEEEEEEERR--!

[ CLINGING TIGHTER and also screaming

ARE YOU TRYING TO CURSE HER

ARE YOU A CRAZY GUY WHO THINKS HE'S HARRY POTTER OR SOME SHIT ]

AVADA KEDAVRA TO YOU TOO!

[hawaiianheir]

THAT'S LATIN, NOT HAWAIIAN YOU IDIOT

[Basically all dignity is lost as he flails at you and tries to pull you off his face, losing his balance and starting to stumble full speed.]

GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET-

[It occurs to our intrepid heroes that a bus station shelter has a finite amount of room for stumbling, flailing, and acting like petulant assholes.

The end of these finite area are marked by walls. Tough. Strong walls. Walls that would hurt if you barrel into them full speed.

It just so happens that with the current obstructions to his face. MAc could not see the finite barriers that he was barreling into, face-first.

So with a stumble and a screech from him, enjoy crashing into a wall.]

[drama8om8]

[ There is a screechy, gurgly noise not unlike the kind of noise a squashed bug would make if bugs could scream. I feel 100% confident in making this claim, okay. IT'S LATE I CAN MAKE AS LITTLE SENSE AS I WANT

Octavia is no longer a headcrab. She is a twitching ball of ouches and vast swathes of hair. She is also letting go of your head and toppling to the ground whilst making tiny groany noises. ]

Agrghghrhrhzzf.

[ Like that.

WOULD YOU SINK LOW ENOUGH TO FORAGE THROUGH A DOWNED GIRL'S POCKETS, MAC

WOULD YOU ]

[hawaiianheir]

[HE TOTALLY WOULD LET'S ROOT THROUGH THOSE POCKETS



Except no he can't because he two is kind of doubled over on the ground in pain because CRASHING INTO WALLS HURTS.

he can do more than gurgle and groan though as he rolls over and shoots you a dirty look as he tries to stumble to his feet.]

He aha nô lâ kou `ano! What is your problem?

[drama8om8]

[ yeah octavia's not getting up

only raising a single defiant pointy finger ]

You are!

[ GURGLE OF VICTORY ]

[hawaiianheir]

[He practically spits.] Pupule!

[ Unfortunately he's not getting up any time soon, so he drops back down. Ow.]

I'm nobody's problem, you're the one who went all crazy over owning a bus stop!

[drama8om8]

You looked at me funny.

[ THIS IS A VALID REASON FOR WHAT JUST OCCURRED

RIGHT

UM

um ]

[hawaiianheir]

That is literally the dumbest reason I have ever heard.

[Laying there groaning. YOU ARE LITERALLY GIVING HIM EVEN MORE OF A HEADACHE.]