CR TL;DR Meme yeaaah

[neopianangst]

CR TL;DR Meme



rules are fairly straightforward but:

1. post with your characters
2. comment around asking other people about your characters' cr
3. get tl;dr about how their characters feel about yours and give tl;dr to whoever comments to you
4. have tl;dr discussions if you want to, reuse shit for cr charts, etc.

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Shinji Ikari | Evangelion

[neopianangst]

[shouldertheburden]

hovers

I warned you. You asked for tl;dr and you got it.

[neopianangst]

Alright so

Kaworu has quickly become one of the most important figures in Shinji's life, it's both incredible and frightening to him. Here he is, Shinji Ikari, a loser with nothing going for him...with this talented attractive boyfriend who is constantly fawning all over him. It's literally the best thing that's ever happened to him, as far as he's concerned. A relationship can't fix his depression, not at all, but the way Kaworu showers him in affection certainly does make him overall happier than he was before.

HOWEVER that certainly doesn't mean there's some sort of perfect bliss here, as disgusting as they are with each other. The biggest problem is Kaworu's fateboner, honestly. In the anime it's very important that Kaworu cares about Shinji for him, not just because he's a pilot. Shinji ties his connections to everyone to that status--his father only acknowledges his existence at all because of it, he only most of the people in his life because of it, he only becomes friends with Kensuke and Toji after he saves them--but even though Kaworu also met him because of it, Kaworu makes it very clear he likes Shinji for who he is and their relationship isn't just based on that. Here, though, he has a harder time getting that across because of Kaworu's belief that it's literally their fate to be together.

Of course, Shinji has a bit of a pessimistically selective memory when it comes to this. "Kaworu only started dating me because he had that echo, that's the only reason he likes me at all" simply couldn't be true since Kaworu took an interest in him before it, after all. But he's got that in his head, and even after the recent reassurance from Kaworu...he's still pretty worried that one wrong echo will ruin everything. It didn't help that Kaworu didn't badtalk his fate obsession as much as Shinji was...pretty much trying to guilt him into doing. He'd love to hear that he's more important than everything Kaworu's ever believed in and some romantic declaration of how Kaworu would gladly defy fate for him, and he sort of got that to a degree but not enough to convince him. It's honestly going to be a tough hurdle to get over since Shinji's always looking for reasons to feel bad about himself so "I'm not really worth all that much to him, he just thinks it's destiny" is a pretty good way to beat himself up.

SPEAKING OF HIS TERRIBLE SELF ESTEEM THOUGH...Shinji, of course, doesn't feel like he deserves Kaworu's affection at all. He's really not worth all the praise and adoration he's showered with, as far as he's concerned, so he feels guilty dating Kaworu at all. "I'm making him put up with someone like me when he could do better." He's selfish, because there are all these things he accepts and wants from Kaworu that he doesn't feel he deserves. Even when he protests with "I'm not worth it" the fact that he genuinely believes it doesn't matter, he still wants Kaworu to tell him he's wrong.

One of the big conflicts between them is the fact that Kaworu's fateboner means he's way, way into the Numbers Club thing. Though Asuka's probably the biggest contributing factor to Shinji's changing attitude towards it--he doesn't want to be involved but he's starting to feel he has to to maintain the interpersonal relationships he's gained because of it, since there are people who would think badly of him for trying to stay out of it--Kaworu's also a huge factor in his thoughts on it. If Shinji continues to try and avoid it will Kaworu grow tired of him, whose goals don't match up? Will he see Shinji as some hindrance to his fate and not actually his soulmate(he thinks claiming that is a bit overdramatic and all but he'll take it since it benefits him)?! So he thinks, maybe I should give in more often.

Kaworu's recent injury has complicated matters, though! Because on one hand, it made him even more terrified than he already was. And rightly so! He too could get horribly injured. He could die. People he likes could get horribly injured or die. Kaworu could get horribly injured or die. It's a good argument for "stay out of it" but...well, he also already had that talk with Kaworu. He knows Kaworu refuses to stay out of it and the best he could get out of him was "I'll be safer I promise." So maybe, tagging along to keep an eye on his reckless boyfriend is a good idea? But then, there's only so much he could do. After all, he's not strong or fast or smart or anything useful. He's just the kid who wastes his life on Neopets.com of all places. He's worthless, he's pathetic, he can't make a difference at all.

Shinji does too much thinking and all of his thoughts contradict each other and come around to bite him in the ass, really.

Shinji trusts Kaworu more than most people, but there's still a definite distance he keeps because he's always so nervous about the state of their relationship--that and it's pretty hard to surpass the closeness you get from being someone's twin, especially in a timeframe this short. Shinji finds himself much more open with Kaworu, just like the anime, but here he's not the only person Shinji's ever opened up to and Shinji has someone to confide in about Kaworu related things. Wow. This Kaworu's also certainly not as wise as his counterpart which makes things a little rockier. Gotta try to deal with his personal dumb weirdo. And by deal with he sometimes means babysit because he honestly feels like that's what he has to do a lot of the time with the way Kaworu gets into conversations he should really have the sense to not have. Though the ones where he jumps to Shinji's defense are both embarrassing and flattering, so there's that.

Shinji's honestly...pretty aware of the fact that there entire ridiculous disgusting relationship has been incredibly rushed. But the fact that someone is so wonderful to him...really has him not caring all that much. He'll make dumb decisions and rush into this shit since this makes him very, very happy and with how patient and sweet Kaworu is to him it's hard to find a downside besides, of course, "what if he dumps me." He does wonder if they dropped the "l" word far too quickly, but well. Kaworu said it first, and pretty confidently, so he'd rather say it before he was ready than not say it and make things awkward. He thinks he loves Kaworu but at the same time Shinji is the master of second guessing himself. He's still not used to saying it at all, either, especially since part of him is still like "god, is this actually my life. Did this actually happen do I really have this wonderful boyfriend."

As far as physical stuff goes, of course, Shinji doesn't really care about the idea of going too fast either...at least, not in theory. In practice, well...it's harder, since he's so repressed and easily embarrassed and feels like he has no idea of what he's even doing. It's hard for him to even admit he wants to do anything and he ends up trying to follow Kaworu's lead instead. So he's a dumb idiot baby about everything and he feels bad because Kaworu can surely find someone who is more attractive and a much better kisser than he is. He also doesn't really like the way Rei gets about the subject--telling him not to let Kaworu talk him into this and that. It makes him feel like she's treating him like a girl and like she's trying to be his mom rather than his sister and he hates that. Plus he kinda thinks her general wariness of Kaworu is jealousy--the two of them have been so so very codependent for years and now he has a life outside of her and even a boyfriend, after all. So there's been some yelling between them over that and there's a lot of feelings about that stuff that he's too embarrassed to and doesn't know how to express to her but spiting her by doing things with Kaworu is clearly the next best thing, right?! It's all very, very childish, really.

[soulsborderline]

[neopianangst]

OKAY SO

Shinji's obviously not the most social person in the world, but he is lonely. So while Asuka rubs him the wrong way a lot of the time he recognizes that wow, he has a connection to her he didn't have to work for anywhere near as much as with pretty much anyone else, which makes him want to hold onto it. What he wants more than anything else is connections with others that don't feel like they're obligatory--"your family is supposed to love you"(hahaha if only he knew what his old life was like), "we knew each other in our past lives", and even "numbers club has to stick together" falls under that umbrella as far as his pessimistic depressed self is concerned--but he'll still definitely take what he can get because it's a huge step-up from having no one outside of his family(who is clearly more socially obligated to care about him than anyone else, so).

But of course, there is conflict of interest between them because Asuka is all about sticking her nose into things and Shinji would much rather leave it alone; benefit from the social connections Numbers Club has granted him and pretend the scary aliens don't exist. He's starting to develop a complex about this stuff, though, sort of like his relationship with piloting the Eva in canon, which is mostly because of Asuka's prodding him to get involved in things. It's just going a lot slower because in canon/his past life ther was a lot more pressure on him as an individual--no one's saying "do it or everyone will die/we'll make this injured girl do it instead" because there are a lot more people on the network than there were pilot children. Even the people closer to him don't really push the issue--Rei says "it's alright, you don't have to get involved, I'll protect you." Kaworu says "it's our destiny I think but you don't have to do anything you don't want to!" Asuka says "c'mon do this dangerous thing with me you pansy." Shinji worries about what people on the network in general will think of him for trying to avoid doing plot things in general but wondering what Asuka will think if he refuses is the real driving force behind him feeling like maybe he can't just let other people handle this stuff(especially since Asuka is already so very vocally critical of people). Their connection to each other as it is seems very fragile and even if she's not his first choice in people personalitywise he wants to preserve it and doesn't want her to think badly of him.

He's just generally really anxious about how he manages his relationship with her, especially since talking to her as much as he does and letting her show up for food makes Rei unhappy. They're siblings so on some level he's willing to be like "deal with it," but he doesn't want to seriously upset her, either. And he's never seen Rei that hostile towards someone that wasn't like, some kid that decided to pick on him on the playground, ever. It's kinda scary. Part of him still wants to chalk that and how wary she gets of Kaworu up to "she's jealous that I'm paying attention to people that aren't her" because they've always been so codependent though so besides wanting to maintain his connection Asuka anyway part of him also wants to do it to be like "sis I can have other relationships in my life, deal with it."

Another thing is that he doesn't see her as often as they did in their previous lives so he he's hesitant to fall into the kind of bickering they got into before, at the moment. There's a huge difference between "she shows up for dinner sometimes and bugs me on the magical internet" and "we live together and go to school together and fight aliens together," after all. This is definitely subject to change the more of her he sees, though, because it's not like she doesn't still rub him the wrong way a lot of the time.

Also she's an attractive girl and that makes him uncomfortable. He's just going to go hide behind Kaworu because he's attractive too but he doesn't have scary but hot boobs?!

[talkshitgetsis]

sistering intensifies

[enrages]

hello nerdier