saveyourbrain | [TEST] DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT

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test drive meme

[TEST] DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT

I HONESTLY COULDN'T THINK OF A GOOD PICTURE SO THANKS LAVVY

Here, have the slightly more relevant song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_nLlL1mwKI

Anyway, this is a random scenario test drive meem, since we've had an influx of new potential appers. I am a bit too lazy to make this a proper meem, so you make your own shit up. Here's some inspirational scenarios:

> The Mall. The hell are you doing out in the suburbs, bro? And why is that woman trying so hard to sell you nail polish?
> The Park. MAN IT IS A NICE D-- shit is that a Vermicelli or whatever the monsters are called?
> Arts & Crafts Fair. Cute knit cat cozies! Bad pretzels! YEAH.
> Rainy Day. It's wet and you're stuck at the bus stop. HOW DEGRADING.
> You get an echo while someone else is around. SHIT. PARANOIA TIME.

Or make up your own!

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[oh for fuck's sake. also sorry Octavia but this is an ordinary coffee machine. you're getting ordinary coffee loaded with cream and sugar and topped off with whipped cream. best he can do. deal with it. he hands it to her, sitting down with his own mug.]

Look. I'm professional, but I really don't go in for that hardboiled Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe shit. You're being textbook as hell right now, kid.

[also kind of creepy, you can't be more than 16.]

But fine. Tell me about this guy. [nonchalant little wave of the hand as he takes a sip.] Weave the story for me.

[ dude did you just call octavia serket textbook in any context

THE MOST BUTTHURT OF LOOKS JFC ]

Fine. He's a --

[ sudden faltering. HRRM. HERE THERE BE VAGUENESS AND STUTTERING AND GENERAL UNSURETY. ]

-- a. Guy? And he's, uh. I used to know him and. Shit. And you need to find him for me. Uh. [ brightening: ] I have a picture! Pictures totally help. Right?

[ And she reaches into her purse and hands over this. ]

I described him and one of the art dorks at school did it for me. It's pretty accurate!

[ 8D

8888D ]

Yeah, pictures help. It's a start, any --

[wait ok]

[maybe

she can't be serious

right

maybe there was a mixup with the artist dork or he played a prank on her]

[yes, that's--]

[no that can't be right she gave the description

shit]

[ok think, blues

think]

[ok fine

whatever]

[this girl is looking for nicolas fucking cage

sure]

[FINALLY a. long, slow breath to basically force himself to keep a level voice through the complete ridiculousness of holy fuck he's actually going to humor this girl instead of telling her to get out of his office. he's going to have some grand response surely, some great buildup worthy of this insanely long pause--]

You don't say.

[ ummmmmmmm what's with the pause dude

I mean obviously Octavia is used to people being stunned silent by her beauty and star quality and shit but like

wow

wowowowowooowwwwwow ]

I. I do say. I mean, okay, it's not completely accurate. I remember him, like... Sweatier? But it is totally the same guy and you are totally going to find him so that there can be tearful reunions and copious amounts of making out.

[ Please excuse Scrawny McTeenager while she looks you up and down appraisingly, ok. ]

Between him and me. Obviously.

[ was that an eyebrow wiggle? YES IT WAS ]

[OCTAVIA DID YOU JUST CHECK HIM OUT

like ok he's sort of flattered in an abstract way but wowowwowowowowow so uncomfortable with this dnw getting creeped on by a teenager

just. running a hand through his hair and rushing all of this out in an effort of OCTAVIA PLS GO]

He's named Nicolas Cage, he's an actor, look him up. Pick something, I don't fucking know what because they're all terrible movies. Maybe try Con Air or The Wicker Man, I guess?

[BREATHE]

Edited 2013-06-17 15:38 (UTC)

[ jsyk, octavia's shitty teenage girl magazines state that people playing with their hair and acting flustered are usually totally attracted to the person they're talking to

CURSE YOU, COSMO

CURSE YOU ]

...An actor? Like, seriously?

[ IT'S MEANT TO BE. Excuse her while she just clasps her hands and stares dreamily into the distance for a bit. ]

[ still doing it ]

[ yeah she's showing no signs of moving or going anywhere or even paying you bro ]

[oh no

oh no

just gonna

wave a hand in front of her face

snap out of it]

[ THERE IS NO SNAPPING OUT OF THE LOVESTRUCK HAZE THAT OCTAVIA HAS SUNKEN INTO OK

She will forever be remembered as that one douche who got so wrapped up in her nic cage fantasies that she lapsed into a coma. Went cage-atonic, if you will.

ok no that's stupid snapping out of it is go ]

Wuh? Oh! Oh. Right. Con Air, right? Juuuuuuuust a second.

[ And now she's pulling out her ridiculously expensive smartphone and poking around on eBay for a copy.

Still not getting out dude

Hope that's ok with you ]

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[TEST] DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT

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